


I Wanna Live a Life from a New Perspective

by theivoryand



Series: inside my head///lgbt+ awareness [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Nonbinary Character, None of this is in detail, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Trigger warnings:, homophobic actions, no happy ending whoops, nonbinary!tyler, parents that do not support lgbt rights, trans!josh, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 11:19:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11577027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theivoryand/pseuds/theivoryand
Summary: Jessica isn't the perfect little girl she seems like.Tyler isn't the perfect little boy he seems like.No one's happy for long.(title and certain lines in the story are from Panic! at the Disco's song "New Perspective.")





	I Wanna Live a Life from a New Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of my constant gender shifts and learning about my friend's homophobic parents. I really don't know how I feel about this. I wanted to write something like this but it didn't really turn out how I wanted it too. Anyways here it is. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING//homophobic and transphobic parents (some vocalization and someone gets kicked out of their house), self-hatred, suicide. Stay safe, stay street, stay alive. |-/
> 
>  
> 
> xo kai

In 1989, on June 18th, a baby was born.  
"It's a girl!" The nurse squealed as she handed Jessica Rebecca Dun to her mom.  
Whispers of "she's perfect" filled the room as mother held her daughter and they existed as one.  
  
  
Four years later and Jessica had crawled, walked, and spoken her way through life. She knew what she wanted, and wasn't afraid to speak up about it.  
"Come on, Jessica," Mrs. Dun murmured as she pulled her baby into the girl's clothing section.  
"Mama I-I dun't wan!" The four year old pointed across the aisle to the boy's clothing section, pulling on her mom's hand.  
"No, no, baby, we're staying over here." Mrs. Dun gave her daughter a weird look as she started looking at the pink shirts scattered throughout the area.  
  
  
Two years after that, Jessica (or Jessie, the only way she could pronounce it) was picking at her pink, frilly dress as they drove to church. Her mom wouldn't let her wear anything else. She felt itchy in this dress, itchy everywhere, but no amount of scratching could free her of the creepy-crawly feeling she felt under her skin.  
  
  
Another year passed quickly and Jessie wanted to play football with the boys.  
"Why do you want to do that, sweetie?" Her mom had asked, sounding concerned.  
"It looks fun!" Jessie said with a smile. Her friend Tyler was doing it, and the only thing she wanted to do was have fun with him.  
"Football is for boys." Mrs. Dun let out a heavy sigh. She didn't understand her daughter sometimes. Jessie liked to get dirty and play sports instead of acting like all the other girls in her grade. Why couldn't she just be a normal female seven year old?  
As soon as her mom said that, Jessie recoiled, like she had been slapped. "O-ok-okay mom. I-if you say so."  
  
  
As soon as Jessie was in middle school, she started going by Jess. She never told her mom this, instead asking her friends at school to call her by "Jess" instead of "Jessie." She felt better with this new name.  More confident. As if she was growing into a new person. But something about the name still wasn't right. Part of it still nagged at her in the back of her mind.  
  
  
Not even six months later, Jess gained this burning desire to cut her hair off. Not a trim. Not to her shoulders. A really short haircut. Like a boy's, she presumed, but that shouldn't matter. She wanted to tell her mom, but Mrs. Dun was very old fashioned in certain ways. Jess was almost certain she wouldn't want her daughter to have a shirt haircut.  
She complained about this to Tyler at school, in between classes in the school's only unisex bathroom, and he agreed to help her. They printed out pictures of options and Tyler even wrote a multiple-paragraph essay on why Jess should be able to cut her hair short.  
Jess had no idea what she'd do without Tyler at her side. He helped her through everything.  
  
"Alright. You ready?" Tyler asked Jess as they stood outside the entrance to her house.  
Jess nodded, focusing on keeping her breathing slow and steady. The last thing she needed was another panic attack.  
She pushed open the door. "Hi Tyler! Hi Jess! How was school?" echoed from the kitchen, elicting a laugh from both kids.  
"Hi mom!" Jess responded, muscles tense.  
Her mom noticed this strange reaction and automatically asked "is anything wrong?"  
Jess shook her head, heart pounding. What should she say? What if her mom isn't willing? What if Jess gets mad? What happens then?  
"Jess was wondering if she could cut her hair short." Tyler's polite, quiet voice and his hand on her shoulder brought Jess back as she took a deep breath.  
Mrs. Dun studied the pair for a second. "Of course, sweetie. As long as you don't turn into-" the mother shivered with a grimace "-one of them."  
"One of them" was a rather harsh term Mrs. Dun used for all of those not cis or straight. But Jess could care less about that now. Her mom had said yes.

 

Years later, things had changed.   
In eight grade, Jess learned about the term "transgender."  
In eight grade, Tyler learned about the term "non-binary."  
In ninth grade, Jess realized she liked the name "Josh" better than "Jess."  
In ninth grade, Tyler realized that gender didn't matter to him.  
In tenth grade, Jess became a "he."  
In tenth grade, Tyler became a "they."  
In tenth grade, Jess told Tyler he was now Josh. And he was a boy.  
In tenth grade, Tyler told Josh they were now going by they/them pronouns. And they were now non-binary.  
In tenth grade, Josh and Tyler started switching clothes.  
In tenth grade, Josh came out to his friend group. They were okay with it.  
In tenth grade, Tyler came out to their friend group. They were okay with it.  
In tenth grade, Josh bought a binder and wore it to school.  
In tenth grade, Tyler bought a skirt and wore it to school.  
In tenth grade, Tyler realized they were gay.  
In tenth grade, Josh realized he was pansexual.  
In tenth grade, Tyler told Josh they were gay.  
In tenth grade, Josh told Tyler he was pansexual.  
In tenth grade, Tyler and Josh started dating.  
In eleventh grade, Tyler tried to come out to their parents.  
In eleventh grade, Josh tried to come out to his parents.  
In eleventh grade, Tyler was homeless.  
In eleventh grade, Tyler went to live with his boyfriend, Josh.  
In eleventh grade, on January 17th, at 1:37 am, Tyler Joseph tried to commit suicide. His note read:

_I'm sorry Josh, but I can't do this anymore. I can't live in constant fear of myself._

Josh cried for days afterwards.   
In eleventh grade, on February 13th, at exactly midnight, Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun commited suicide together. When the cops found their bodie's the next morning, they were holding hands and had light smiles on their faces. Their last words, penned in blue ink, were on a piece of paper above Josh's head.

  
_Our lives were too comprehensive._

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to have a happy ending, but that changed. Anyway thanks for reading this awful little story <3
> 
> xo kai


End file.
